1.
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for corn. The bartender says "We have no corn, get out of here." So the duck leaves. The next day he comes back and asks for corn again, and the bartender says "I told you, we don't have any corn! Get out!" So the duck leaves. The next day he goes in again and asks for corn, and the bartender says, "For the last time, we don't have corn! If you ever come back, I'm going to nail those webbed feet of yours to the floor!" So the duck leaves. The next day the duck comes and asks, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender says, "No, of course not. Why would a bar have nails?" The duck then says, "Good. Can I have some corn?
2.
Three guys died in an accident and went to heaven. When they got there, St. Peter said, "We only have one rule in heaven. Don't step on the ducks!" So they entered heaven and sure enough, there were ducks all over the place. It was almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they tried their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally stepped on one.
Along came St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chained them together and said, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman".
The next day, the second guy stepped accidentally on a duck and along came St. Peter, who didn't miss a thing, and with him was another extremely ugly woman. He chained them together with the same admonishment as the first.
The third guy had observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, was very careful where he stepped. He managed to go for months without stepping on any duck. But one day, St. Peter came up to him with the most gorgeous woman he had ever laid eyes on. St. Peter chained them together without saying a word.
The guy remarked, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity"?
She replied, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck"!
3.
"Doctor, doctor, my wife thinks she's a duck."
"You better bring her in to see me straight away."
"I can't do that - she's already flown south for the winter."
1.
鸭子走进酒吧，叫酒保上玉米。酒保说：“这儿没有玉米，出去。”于是鸭子出去了。第二天，它回来了，又叫上玉米，酒保说：“告诉你了，根本就没有玉米！出去！”于是鸭子又走了。第二天鸭子又来叫上玉米，酒保说：“最后跟你说一次，我们不卖玉米！你要是再敢来，我就用钉子把你两个脚片子钉在地板上！”于是鸭子又走了。第二天，鸭子来问说：“你们有钉子吗？”酒保说：“没有，当然没有啦。酒吧怎么会卖钉子？”鸭子跟着又说：“好。能给我上一份玉米吗？”
2.
车祸里死了三个男人，跟着他们就到了天堂。到了天堂之后，圣彼得说：“天堂里只有一个法规，就是别去踩鸭子！”
于是他们进了天堂，果真，那里鸭子密密麻麻几乎都没地儿落脚，尽管想方设法不要踩到鸭子，第一个家伙还是失脚踩上了一只。
只见圣彼得带来一个他这辈子见到的最丑的婆娘。圣彼得用链子把他们锁在一起说：“你踩到了鸭子，对你的惩罚就是永远和这丑婆娘锁在一起。”
第二天，又一个家伙不小心踩到了鸭子，明察秋毫的圣彼得又来了，这一次又带了个极丑的婆娘。他一面将他们锁在一起，一面像第一次那样加以训诫。
第三个家伙把这一切都看在眼里，他才不想永远和丑婆娘锁在一起，他走起路来格外小心，好几个月都没踩上一只鸭子。有一天，圣彼得带来一个他此生从未见过的极标致的女子，一声不吭就把他们锁在一起。
这家伙问道：“我犯了什么要永生永世和你锁在一起呢？”
她回答说：“我不知道你怎样了，可我是因为踩到了鸭子！”
3.
“大夫，大夫，我老婆说自己是只鸭子。”
“那你赶紧把她带来看看呀。”
“不行啊——她已经飞到南方去过冬去了。” |
发表于 2010-3-28 09:40:58
